2008 was a really challenging year for me; I actually came out to my family and had my first public boyfriend. That alone was something huge for me, I didn’t know if they were still going to accept me but they did and they all seemed good about it. I had been dating Jake since August of 2008, he was something else and I thought he was a real different guy then any of the other guys I was talking to. The holiday season seemed great; Thanksgiving, Christm
as and New Years were all a great time with friends and family and then hit the New Year. The relationship seemed to be getting to me and I was frustrated with the long distance thing I just didn’t know what else to do anymore so I asked Jake to break up. It was one of the hardest things for me to do but I did it and then I regretted it; we talked and worked things out but things weren’t the same for us anymore. He changed and so did I but we still stuck together and then he was set to come stay with me for a week at my place; I was hoping that this would fix the problems between us but it was too late.Since the first day he arrived that Thursday the kiss was different, before I felt like he was pushing me away but it was all in my head. The only thing was, it wasn’t in my head anymore; he was actually pushing me away. I really didn’t want to think much of it; that Thursday night we decided to head out to a local club the Heist. It was Jake, I and my buddy Diego; before heading out there we got some alcohol. I’m not much of a drinker myself, it’s never interest me but since the guys were drinking I was like okay let’s have a drink and have some fun. We finally got to the club and finishing that bottle of MD was hard for me, in Brooke’s own words “I ruined my good boy Image.” I was buzzing by the time we got out the car, the club was great, the music was great, and I really had a great time. The next few days Jake and I did lots of things. We headed to Hollywood and Highland, we shopped, we eat, we golfed, we dance, we drank, we went to the movies, and we did everything together. Then that Saturday hit, we were drinking with Diego, he eventually left and all I wanted from Jake was a kiss or for us to make out for a little while. But he didn’t want to, he kept pushing me away, and then we got in an argument. And I decided to leave him alone, I walked over to my bed room and I just couldn’t take it anymore I figure we should have just stayed broke up but I did love the guy and I thought he loved me back. Being drunk only made things worse. I called up my friend or these days she’s been my best friend Brooke, I called her up all drunk and crying; let’s just say it wasn’t cute. Jake kept thinking I was acting like this because we hadn’t had sex, but I could care less about sex. I don’t crave it nor needed it at the moment, Brooke really did help me out that night she really is a good friend [Thanks, Brooke.]
The next day Jake didn’t seem to bring up the drama from the previous night, which was a bit odd for me but I was like whatever’s about it. We continued with the rest of the week and we seemed to be spending let time interacting. He seemed to be checking his myspace, adam4adam, mocospace, and downerlink or something and texting. He was always texting 24/7; that was one of the things I found really disrespectful. There’s a time to text and there’s a time not to txt but me being a good boyfriend I let him do his thing. It was the day before he was going to head back home, we were set to head to Dance at arena. I asked Jake since it was his last night if when he got home we could make out a bit, I basically had to beg and after a while he was like “Yeah okay.” The day went on and we eventually began to get ready for the club, he then told that he had invited one of his little MySpace friends to the club, which was fine by me. And then while we were getting ready he was like “Babe, is it okay if I kiss Luis or if he kisses me?” I got made because Jake was out here with me for an entire week and I basically had to beg for us to make out.
I always knew what type of guy Jake was, he seems like he’s always talking to all sorts of guys. But I thought at least while he’s around me he doesn’t do that. And I asked him “Is what you want, and open relationship?” He questioned it and I knew that’s what he wanted but he wasn’t able to say yes, then he went on, how hard it was the whole long distance thing. And yeah I know this wasn’t going to be easy but I wasn’t whiling to make it work out. So were there talking about our relationship and we ended up deciding to continue getting ready and talking about it later. So we meet up with Diego his girlfriend and a friend of his. We head out to Dance and arrive there, he had our drinks and eventually head to the club; or so we thought. They didn’t let anyone of us in because they said we were drunk, I thought the whole thing was funny; we decided to head back home. By this time Jake was so drunk and wasted; we arrive back to Bellflower and decided to smoke some weed, but Jake wasn’t feeling so good. I guess he had too much to drink, and he was throwing up and I was right there beside him taking care of him. Jake tells me that he doesn’t want to smoke so I tell Diego to take us home; we arrive to my place and Jake just wants to sleep. So I put him to bed and then I decide this is the perfect chance to over look his phone and I did just that. When it comes to his phone Jake never lets me see it so I figured that this was my one chance, so I start going over some of his text messages. That’s when I saw all the messages that he had with all these other guys, like I said before I knew what type of guy he was all along. I just didn’t want to see it, but reading the messages really hurt me. I knew then that it was really over. The next morning we drove out to the bus station and I so wanted to tell him that it was over between us but it was hard.
But then we decided on being friends, it was hard to see him leave because I knew that it would be the last time I would see him. But I knew that it was the best thing for me, I felt that while being with Jake I was begging to chance. I was changing to make him happy; before Jake alcohol and smoking wasn’t something I did. I wish the guy [Jake] well and I hope he finds someone that truly makes him happy; as for me I’m doing a lot better now. I actually got back to my writing and decided to return to my photography, so as you see the first month of 2009 was a real big month for me; it was the first for lots of things. I’ll be posting at least once a week and talk about my daily things, I know that 2009 while bring so much more.
