I'm not perfect as much as I make myself out to be.
I have all these morals , ethics, && beliefs I try to uphold.
But as much as I would want to be perfect, I have my flaws,
&& complex flaws at that.
I think it's because I'm such a simple person who
simply needs one thing to be pleased, it makes people feel like there
is more to me. Truth be told.. there isn't. I'm a simple human, with a simple heart.
I only need one thing: to be loved.
But here's the part that everyone dreads: showing me that love, CONSTANTLY.
Even though I ask for a simple request, its the request itself that makes it
so difficult to please me.
&& because I want "so much" through this request, I sometimes let
it get the better of me, I let it control my actions, I let it control
my words, and that's where my fault lies in.
Guys always have a tendency to say things without thinking
of the consequences of their words. I, myself have caused
myself && others many heartaches because I never think before I open my mouth.
I can't tell you what is the reason us guys do this, because believe me, if I knew,
I would gladly do what was required to stop doing it.
Also, as guys we have a tendency to want to find the right words to
fix things with that special person, but it always comes out
cut up, && sometimes even making things worse, so we begin to
blame ourselves, && wish we could go back && take back those
hurtful words that we so carelessly let slip from
our tongue.
Another miraculous fact about guys is, no matter how tough we are on the outside,
our hearts are extremely fragile. Which is the reason we protect it behind such a
tough exterior. We're sensitive to the words of that one special person we love,
adore, worship, admire, praise,
Wednesday, May 19, 2010
Tuesday, May 18, 2010
I swear this is Love.
016920 ........ Text Messages
02592 ........................ Hours
0108 ............................ Days
015 ........................... Weeks
03.5 ........................ Months
02 ............................. Hearts
01 ................. Amazing Love
"Babe, there has been so many memories we have shared from: a group hang, a date, a movie, a song, a show, a drink, a talk, a laugh, a smile, a tear, a hug, a kiss and so many others. I look forward too the many more we will have together; you know before you came along love wasn't a word I used but you've changed that. I finally know what that four letter word means. Thank you for listening, thank you for loving me and making me a better person, thank you for it all. I love you, Ramone Avina<3"
love Danny
[The picture above was drawn by Ramone; its him &I giving our hearts to one another. I close the blog post with some lyrics letting Ramone know how I feel about him, our love &relationship.]
You're there by my side
In every way I know that you would not forsake me
I give you my life
Would not think twice
Your love is all I need believe me
I may not say it quite as much as I should
When I say I love you darling that means for good
And I will love you 'til forever
Until death do us part we'll be together
So take my hand and hold on tight
This I swear
I'm wondering how I ever got by
Without you in my life to guide me
Where ever I go the one thing that's true
Is everything I do I do for you
I may not say it quite as much as I should
When I say I love you darling that means for good
And I will love you 'til forever
Until death do us part we'll be together
So take my hand and hold on tight
This I swear
So whenever you get there
Just reach out for me
I'll never let you down my love
And I will love you 'til forever
Until death do us part we'll be together
So take my hand and hold on tight
This I swear
And I will love you 'til forever
Until death do us part we'll be together
So take my hand and hold on tight
This I swear
Friday, May 14, 2010
Face to Face.
"True love does not come by finding the perfect person,
But by learning to see an imperfect person perfectly."
Thursday, May 13, 2010
Bisexuality.
Bisexuality isn't a religion. It's not Santa Claus or the tooth fairy.
About a week or so ago I was talking to my boyfriend and somehow we touch basis on my bisexuality; and he told me his first thought to that was "How can you love someone if you don't even know what you want."
If people claim to be bisexual, then who am I (or anyone else) to discredit their identity?
A few possible reasons for the assumed rarity of bisexuals:
1. Not every person may be quick to reveal their bisexuality.
2. We assume that men who are with men are gay and men who are with women are straight. We assume that women who are with women are lesbians, and that women who are with men are straight. This assumption may be misguided as any of these individuals may be besexual, despite the binary nature of their relationships.
3. Our society puts intense pressure on people to identify as "gay" if they have same-sex attractions. We've all heard the expression, "bi-now, gay later." Some of us card-carrying homos may otherwise have identified as bisexual if we had not succumbed to the pressure of the "gay" label.
Bisexuality is probably anything but rare. I have a sinking feeling that most of us (gay or straight) are at least a little bit "bi-curious", though we may never act on our urges and/or we may repress these inclinations into the depths of our psyche.
I am bisexual, but I prefer men (I believe just how there are different types of gays, there are different types of bi's). But I had always seen myself in a relationship with either a man or women. After dozens of people telling me they don't believe in bisexuality and them not really understanding sometimes its just easier for me to cave in and say I'm gay. A lot of people have the misconceptions of bisexuals; that we are greedy or whores for wanting both genders or that we are confused. (But no I know what I want).
About a week or so ago I was talking to my boyfriend and somehow we touch basis on my bisexuality; and he told me his first thought to that was "How can you love someone if you don't even know what you want."
If people claim to be bisexual, then who am I (or anyone else) to discredit their identity?
A few possible reasons for the assumed rarity of bisexuals:
1. Not every person may be quick to reveal their bisexuality.
2. We assume that men who are with men are gay and men who are with women are straight. We assume that women who are with women are lesbians, and that women who are with men are straight. This assumption may be misguided as any of these individuals may be besexual, despite the binary nature of their relationships.
3. Our society puts intense pressure on people to identify as "gay" if they have same-sex attractions. We've all heard the expression, "bi-now, gay later." Some of us card-carrying homos may otherwise have identified as bisexual if we had not succumbed to the pressure of the "gay" label.
Bisexuality is probably anything but rare. I have a sinking feeling that most of us (gay or straight) are at least a little bit "bi-curious", though we may never act on our urges and/or we may repress these inclinations into the depths of our psyche.
I am bisexual, but I prefer men (I believe just how there are different types of gays, there are different types of bi's). But I had always seen myself in a relationship with either a man or women. After dozens of people telling me they don't believe in bisexuality and them not really understanding sometimes its just easier for me to cave in and say I'm gay. A lot of people have the misconceptions of bisexuals; that we are greedy or whores for wanting both genders or that we are confused. (But no I know what I want).
Search for the Next Bro!
So I know I'm always kidding around when I say I'm looking for a New BFF but this time I'm really serious. I'm proud to announce "Roger-Danny Presents: The Search for the Next Bro!"
I had my first bro at the 7 years old; his name Steve. We played sports, we laughed, he watched sports and went to games, we love world wrestling entertainment, everything bro's would do; but after 10 long years we parted ways. It wasn't until I was 18 that I met Diego; a co-worked who then turned to be a pretty amazing friend/bro. Diego exposed me to another world; out of my comfort zone, we had lots of laughs, good parties, fun clubs, helping me deal with my relationships, there was never a dry moment on &off the clock. But after 3.5 years Diego and I kinda parted ways, we just got wrapped around our own personal lives.
Lately I've been going over my friends; who I really want to keep around and as I went down my list I noticed I no longer had a bro; I miss talking about sports, having a casual beer, having a good game of basketball, talking about females, just doing the average male bonding stuff.
Wednesday, May 12, 2010
Even the clouds can see its over.
Lullabies, butterflies and goodbyes make me cry
They all remind me of you
In the trees honey bees, birdies tweet when they look at me
They sing that song about you
Even the clouds can see its over
And they can feel my hurt inside
When the sun comes out tomorrow will I feel alright
Come back to me
Dry my tears for me
Wont you hold me
One more time
Take my only be my only
Come back for me
One more time,
One more time.
Teddy Bears, rocking chairs, it's not fair
To share these treasures with me, yeah
My reflections shows that I'm alone, on my own
Waiting by the phone, I know you wont call for me.
They all remind me of you
In the trees honey bees, birdies tweet when they look at me
They sing that song about you
Even the clouds can see its over
And they can feel my hurt inside
When the sun comes out tomorrow will I feel alright
Come back to me
Dry my tears for me
Wont you hold me
One more time
Take my only be my only
Come back for me
One more time,
One more time.
Teddy Bears, rocking chairs, it's not fair
To share these treasures with me, yeah
My reflections shows that I'm alone, on my own
Waiting by the phone, I know you wont call for me.
Friday, May 7, 2010
Tuesday, May 4, 2010
I've been thinking... & Dear Ramone
Its almost going to be three months since Ramone and I got together and its been three months of learning about him, myself, and the word called love. I've had my fair share of relationships and so has Ramone; but never have I ever put so much effort into one, like I'm doing now.
I've been told plenty of times that I'm scared of being commited with a person and truth is; its 100% true. I come from a family of failed relationships and when I was younger I always told myself why be in a relationship with one person for the rest of your life; you get bored with a person after a while. That was my mind set for so long; for a while being in a relationship, being in love, having that special person by your side didn't matter to me, I enjoyed my single life. Having a good time with friends and cousins, it was all fun. But at times you see your friends and/or cousins in their own relationships and you do miss that feeling of having someone. But I had given up on relationships, I tend to fall for people that break me down not only emotionally but mentally as well.
I mean from Erica to Henry to Jake to Stephanie and David; each one was emotionally exhausting. From being gently let go and her finding love with someone else, to being used only hurt someone else they loved, to being cheated and lied to (multiple times), to me hurting her after she trusted me, and finally being dragged along for so long by him. I faced different things within those relationships but I think the one that hurt me the most and drained me out was David; It was an on going thing for 6 months.
After that I really didn't bother dating again; yet there might have been a few dates here and there but nothing special. But like they always say love hits you when you least expect it; then Ramone came into my life. Honestly at first I didn't think much of him besides a friend, but that changed really fast. We talked, about everything and anything; and I enjoyed us talking and getting to know each other. We quickly went from talking and texting, to going on dates, to meeting his friends. I actually had to take a step back and look at the entire picture; I told myself is this something I really want to do? Do I want to jump into a potential relationship? It didn't take me long to process that. Eventually Ramone and I decided to make our thing official and it all seemed to great, so perfect but like with all relationships we began to noticed the little small things, the little things that make us, well us.
Ramone's told me to open up even more, let him in, to trust him 100% and I will say at first I was scared to do that; I've just been hurt to many times. It was a battle to just let it go; and then when I finally decided to it felt so good. I told him "I honestly feel like I can tell you anything and not be scared what you might think or say." But then shortly after that we had small talk that just ripped me down emotionally, I was confussed, about the things he told me. I felt as if I had let him in 100% and handed him my heart but in that moment and time I felt as if he simply tossed my heart away, without even caring (I will say I was in tears). It took me a while to truly let him in again; he knew it hurt me really bad. But recently I told him that I was sorry for having this wall up; for not being open, for being like that because of past relationships. I told him I was done with all that, I was letting it all go, and I would tell him every single thing there is about me. Soon after that, Ramone talked to me about expressing my feelings, showing how I really feel.
But for me that doesn't come easy, its going to take me a bit to change my entire mind set; I mean I've been building these walls up since, well since forever and with every failed relationship they just got thicker and taller; so its going to take some time. I tell him to be patient with me and he says he will, he says I have lots of patiences but then sometimes I feel like he's reached his patience because he starts telling me to show my emotions. Show him that I'm happy, so him that I'm excited, that I'm sad, that I'm needy. But I'm not a guy that really shows my emotions; I can be happy or sad and you won't even know. I think I'm like that because my mother never really showed emotion when I was growing up. She kept that to her self so I didn't see it; that's why I doesn't come natural to me. I feel like I've gotten to know Ramone pretty well but I know that I still don't know him 100% and that will come with time; but I feel like I've gotten to know what he wants with me when its comes to our relationship. To him a simple I love you., a hug, a kiss, a smile, shows him that I care. That I really do enjoy his company; and sometimes I lack that, or don't show it enough as I wish. Ramone does every single thing possible to keep me happy and I thank him for doing that, no one has ever done that for me. No one has ever cared enough for me to ask me how I'm feeling. No one has ever thought of me before themselves. No one has ever loved me like Ramone loves me.
So I close this blog with a personal message to Ramone.
"Ramone, babes you know I love you a lot. I thank you for every single memory we have shared (&will share in the future), every single talk, every single moment you take to ask me how I'm feeling, and most of all thank you for loving me. I know I'm not perfect, but I try my best to show you that I am. All I can say right now is to me you are my world, you'd made me so happy, I haven't felt this great in a pretty long time, every time you hug me I feel as if I lived for that moment. Every talk makes us stronger. Just be patient with me when it comes to certain things; you know I love you and I want the best for our relationship. I love you, I honestly do and I can say that from the bottom of my heart."
-Danny<3
I've been told plenty of times that I'm scared of being commited with a person and truth is; its 100% true. I come from a family of failed relationships and when I was younger I always told myself why be in a relationship with one person for the rest of your life; you get bored with a person after a while. That was my mind set for so long; for a while being in a relationship, being in love, having that special person by your side didn't matter to me, I enjoyed my single life. Having a good time with friends and cousins, it was all fun. But at times you see your friends and/or cousins in their own relationships and you do miss that feeling of having someone. But I had given up on relationships, I tend to fall for people that break me down not only emotionally but mentally as well.
I mean from Erica to Henry to Jake to Stephanie and David; each one was emotionally exhausting. From being gently let go and her finding love with someone else, to being used only hurt someone else they loved, to being cheated and lied to (multiple times), to me hurting her after she trusted me, and finally being dragged along for so long by him. I faced different things within those relationships but I think the one that hurt me the most and drained me out was David; It was an on going thing for 6 months.
After that I really didn't bother dating again; yet there might have been a few dates here and there but nothing special. But like they always say love hits you when you least expect it; then Ramone came into my life. Honestly at first I didn't think much of him besides a friend, but that changed really fast. We talked, about everything and anything; and I enjoyed us talking and getting to know each other. We quickly went from talking and texting, to going on dates, to meeting his friends. I actually had to take a step back and look at the entire picture; I told myself is this something I really want to do? Do I want to jump into a potential relationship? It didn't take me long to process that. Eventually Ramone and I decided to make our thing official and it all seemed to great, so perfect but like with all relationships we began to noticed the little small things, the little things that make us, well us.
Ramone's told me to open up even more, let him in, to trust him 100% and I will say at first I was scared to do that; I've just been hurt to many times. It was a battle to just let it go; and then when I finally decided to it felt so good. I told him "I honestly feel like I can tell you anything and not be scared what you might think or say." But then shortly after that we had small talk that just ripped me down emotionally, I was confussed, about the things he told me. I felt as if I had let him in 100% and handed him my heart but in that moment and time I felt as if he simply tossed my heart away, without even caring (I will say I was in tears). It took me a while to truly let him in again; he knew it hurt me really bad. But recently I told him that I was sorry for having this wall up; for not being open, for being like that because of past relationships. I told him I was done with all that, I was letting it all go, and I would tell him every single thing there is about me. Soon after that, Ramone talked to me about expressing my feelings, showing how I really feel.
But for me that doesn't come easy, its going to take me a bit to change my entire mind set; I mean I've been building these walls up since, well since forever and with every failed relationship they just got thicker and taller; so its going to take some time. I tell him to be patient with me and he says he will, he says I have lots of patiences but then sometimes I feel like he's reached his patience because he starts telling me to show my emotions. Show him that I'm happy, so him that I'm excited, that I'm sad, that I'm needy. But I'm not a guy that really shows my emotions; I can be happy or sad and you won't even know. I think I'm like that because my mother never really showed emotion when I was growing up. She kept that to her self so I didn't see it; that's why I doesn't come natural to me. I feel like I've gotten to know Ramone pretty well but I know that I still don't know him 100% and that will come with time; but I feel like I've gotten to know what he wants with me when its comes to our relationship. To him a simple I love you., a hug, a kiss, a smile, shows him that I care. That I really do enjoy his company; and sometimes I lack that, or don't show it enough as I wish. Ramone does every single thing possible to keep me happy and I thank him for doing that, no one has ever done that for me. No one has ever cared enough for me to ask me how I'm feeling. No one has ever thought of me before themselves. No one has ever loved me like Ramone loves me.
So I close this blog with a personal message to Ramone.
"Ramone, babes you know I love you a lot. I thank you for every single memory we have shared (&will share in the future), every single talk, every single moment you take to ask me how I'm feeling, and most of all thank you for loving me. I know I'm not perfect, but I try my best to show you that I am. All I can say right now is to me you are my world, you'd made me so happy, I haven't felt this great in a pretty long time, every time you hug me I feel as if I lived for that moment. Every talk makes us stronger. Just be patient with me when it comes to certain things; you know I love you and I want the best for our relationship. I love you, I honestly do and I can say that from the bottom of my heart."
-Danny<3
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